he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
