No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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