Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
