just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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