6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
