I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
