i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
