i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
