I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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