If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
