Having a random hookup so left but love u
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
