THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
