my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
