I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize