I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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