Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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