I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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