Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
