my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
