She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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