If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize