I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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