I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize