At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
