I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
