the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize