we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
