Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
