I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
