what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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