Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
