it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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