Banned from zoo.
Again?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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