Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
