you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I had to cum in my sink.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
