shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
