Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
