Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
