How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
