Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
