i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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