i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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