Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
