Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
