Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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