This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
3pm strippers are depressing
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
