he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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