well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize