hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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