her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
