I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize