drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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