we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize