Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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