Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
