im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
