After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
