I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
