My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
