hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
