Your tits are I can't wait for
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
not ubering you a puppy
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
