after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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