Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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