I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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