Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
