it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
