when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
